Insanity..

So my mams been away for the week, and its been my and my dad, iv had a hard time this week, serious lack of control therefore lots of purging!!! Anyways my dad told my mam that iv been "making myself sick" again....why the fuck cant he just say that to me....so my mam says "your dad says youve been making yourself sick again" and im like no i just ate too much i felt sick, and but what i wanted to say was "i never actually stopped i just got better at hiding it, or maybe its because you dont notice me no more!!!!" arrghhh this is soo annoying, from tommorow im gonna try not to purge ever again unless absoloutley necessary im just gonna restrict restrict restrict.
So im fasting for two weeks, i dont care how weak it makes me, then im gonna do like a piece of fruit a day for two weeks, then we will see. eurgh im allowing myself one coffeee on a morning and a diet coke during the day, then water water water.....................i can do this.
Does it ever frustrate you when you think of how much control you know you are capable of?? i used to be in so much control and i remember like in the summer, i would never sleep out because i would be afraid i would get fat if i didnt do my situps before bed and on a morning. So tommorow is monday. No purge!!!!!!! no food!!! water water coffee or green tea :) x

Fresh.

Ok, so iv decided to start a blog, primarliy because i think my mam found my diary!! big mistake. So yeah thats why really. I was looking at some photos the other day of last summer and i wish i was back down at that weight :( i think im gonna go down to 100 calories a day. The thing is, i dance better thinner, i feel like there is less weight on my toes, which obviously there is but then our nutritionist at school will get on my case and my teachers will start reporting and asking questions, but i dont care. 100 it is. I know it will make me dance better, be better. I just want to be perfect. God why couldn't i have been born with a super fast metabolism?? How are you guys doing? anyways im posting some thinspo just because its half term and im bored, although i should be working or doing sit ups...actually im gonna start right after iv posted this blog. bubye for now guys.